


Hair Woes

by boredom



Series: Crowley and Queen (A Friendship to end all Friendships!) [7]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Pining Crowley, dramatic crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23314162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boredom/pseuds/boredom
Summary: Brian is starting to feel old since he's never changed his hair. Maybe Crowley can help shine some light onto the situation?
Series: Crowley and Queen (A Friendship to end all Friendships!) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571422
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	Hair Woes

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a little humor to brighten your day. Hope everyone is staying safe and calm during this time.

Brian sat in front of his mirror, staring at his reflection. He turned his head to the left. He turned his head to the right. He had had the same style since college. Long and curly, teased out so that it floated around his head. It worked as a student and even as an early star. Now, though... now he worried it was too boring. 

Compared to Freddie, Brian looked normal. If he was dressed in street clothes, one might even assume he was perhaps a teacher or something else normal. He knew that Freddie was dramatic and loved to change his look, so technically, everyone looked normal compared to him. But he just couldn't help but feel...slow. 

He was a rock star, for god's sake! He should look the part. Maybe with crazy hair and outfits like KISS, or David Bowie or something. Maybe he should cut it and tease it into something more sculptural, something more wild. 

"What's the matter?" John asked, coming into the room. 

Brian let out a yelp. "How did you get in here." 

"Wife gave me a spare key for emergencies." 

"And is this an emergency?" 

"Yeah, I'm out of Doritos." 

Brian let out a groan. "I don't have any Doritos." 

"Thought you might. So, what's got you looking so pensively in the mirror?" 

He might as well tell him. They were friends after all and maybe he could give him some direction.

"I haven't changed my hair in like, twenty years."

"And?" 

"And, I'm wondering if it's maybe time for a change. Everyone else has updated their style, maybe I should too." 

John shrugged. "If you want. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Freddie puts us in more than enough crazy costumes. Speaking of which, come on. We have that music video to film. I'm kind of worried." 

"Why?" Brian grabbed his things and followed Roger out the door. 

"He and Crowley have been getting plastered the last few weeks brainstorming. I'm scared of what they came up with." 

"I'm sure it'll be fine. How campy can you make "It's a Hard Life" anyways? It's such a calm song." 

oOoOoOo

Despite John's words of encouragement, Brian was still feeling uneasy about his apparent lack of style change. 

"It's just, I always thought my dad was lame because he dressed like he did when he was in college. Am I becoming the same?"

John, for his part, did not seem annoyed about his constant ramblings about his hair. Then again, when you had to deal with Crowley's constant ramblings about Aziraphale and Freddie's constant drama, this was probably a step up. 

"I don't get what the big deal is," he said. "So what if your hair hasn't changed in the years that I've known you? It's not like we're not going to sell records because someone thinks that you're too stuck in the past or anything." 

"Yeah, but we're rock stars!" Brian ran a hand through his hair. "We're supposed to be over the top."

"Your hair is over the top."

"You know what I mean. I just don't really know what to do. I like my hair this way." 

"Then keep it this way." 

"But I still feel like I'm stuck in the past." 

"Then change it." John sighed. "Seriously, you're reaching Crowley levels of obsession. Remember, he's talked about Aziraphale's hair for three hours before. Do you want to reach Crowley levels of obsession?" 

Brian winced. "I guess not. I promise, I'll stop talking about my hair." 

John nodded, placated by the promise.

"Do you know what we're doing today?" 

"Filming the music video for "it's a hard life"." 

"I know that, you twat. I meant what is going to be happening. We gave Freddie and Crowley almost complete control over the project."

John shrugged. "I don't know. All I know is that they're within budget and there's not going to be a horse present." 

"Good. Don't know why Crowley hates horses so much." 

"Says they're unnatural. Something about running on their fingernails and having eyes that reflect Hell's bottomless pit."

"Fair enough. I like their noses though. Very soft."

They made their way into the studio. Brian was still feeling very uncomfortable about his hair. Maybe he should talk with Roger about it, give poor John a break. He didn't have to do something drastic, maybe just trim it a bit, or straighten it. There were lots of options and hairspray seemed to be better than ever, given the fact that every time he walked by a group of teenagers, they seemed to have a cloud of it surrounding their heads. 

So lost in thought, he didn't realize he was standing in front of Crowley until he recognized the red hair that was definitely fake but was definitely not a wig and never seemed to have roots so was probably not a dye job. 

"What on God's Green Earth is on your head?" he asked, blinking as he took in Crowley's latest style change. 

The mustache had been shaved off and the glasses had been switched out. He was wearing the boxiest black suit with a very loud button up shirt underneath. That wasn't the worst of it, however. The worst of it was his hair style. 

Crowley had the most atrocious haircut he had ever seen. It looked like a butcher had gone at it with a butter knife. 

"It's a mullet. All the rage now; very sexy looking hairstyle." 

Brian had seen the mullet. It was in fashion magazines, but he had always assumed it was more of an avant garde look. Something that was only photographed to give the photo some depth and textured. he didn't think anyone would actually ever put one on their head.

"Didn't you just get your hair cut last week?" He was sure Crowley had some weird jerry curl look on his head. 

"Yeah, but if you want to look good, you have to stay ahead of the trends." He finger gunned him. 

"Is this a trend?" No, seriously, were mullets the new trend now? 

"Maybe this is what you need," John said, clapping him on the shoulder knowing full well Brian would rather shave his head at this point than put that mutilated rat on his head. 

"What do you mean?" Crowley asked. 

"Don't you dare." 

"He's been having a bit of a crisis of fashion lately." John, apparently, did not fear death. "He’s thinking about changing his hair." 

"I never said I would!" 

Crowley's face split into a grin. Brian could swear there were fangs in his mouth instead of teeth. 

"It was just a thought!" 

"I think that's a great idea."

Shit. Crowley was on board. And any time Crowley was on board with anything, that was a recipe for disaster. 

"Hey, Freddie!" he called.

"No, don't get him involved!" 

"Brian's thinking of changing his hair." 

John, the little shit, was absolutely cracking up at this point. Fully doubled over as Brian tried and failed to regain control over the situation. 

"Aziraphale hasn't changed his look in ages! You said so yourself!" When in doubt, always invoke Aziraphale. If nothing else, it would distract Crowley long enough to change the conversation. 

"Really? That's great, darling." Then, Freddie stepped out. In his costume. John stopped laughing. 

"What the hell are you wearing?" Brian asked. 

"What the fuck is on your head?" John gaped. 

"The costume for today's video." Freddie twirled around. "Don't you love it, darling?" 

"Please be a practical joke." John should have known better by now. This was no practical joke. From here on out, they were NEVER giving Freddie or Crowley creative control over ANYTHING ever again. 

"Don't you love it?" Crowley dropped an arm around Freddie's shoulders. "We were thinking of invoking Versailles but also, Shakespeare." 

"Oh, God, there are a lot of eyes." Brian's sight was drawn down, following the path of eyes until they ended... yep, nope. Not happening. 

"Do you want your hair to be cut before we get started?" Freddie asked. 

Right, the whole point Crowley had called him over here. 

"It would be a good shock for the fans," Crowley said. "Seeing you update your look in this video."

"Your hair. What did you do to your hair?" John's brain still hadn't caught up with the conversation. 

"No, I don't want to cut my hair. It was just a thought. Don't you ever get thoughts that you don't follow through on?" 

Crowley and Freddie both blinked at him. 

Crowley stroked his chin. "That's a good question." 

Freddie looked pensively at the ground. "Maybe that one time... no, I ended up doing that. Wait! No, never mind." 

Right, he should know better than to ask these two if they ever had any self control. 

The director started shouting for people to get ready. Crowley and Freddie jumped out of their pensive thoughts. 

"You two need to get into your costumes." 

"Please, just let me wear this," John begged.

"Oh, and Brian," Freddie pulled out an instrument that looked like it was supposed to be a skull guitar. "We got this for you. Can't play it, but it'll look cool." 

Brian took it and smiled. "Thanks. I'll just go get ready. Right?" 

"And be sure to tell the hairstylist if you want anything different!" Freddie called. 

"You would look great with a mullet! Very fashionable," Crowley added. 

"And make sure Roger's doing okay. He hasn't come out yet." 

oOoOoOo

"I am going to murder Freddie. With this unicorn helmet. Just jam it right in his eye. And then I'm going to do the same to Crowley." 

"Careful, Roger, I think that helmet is made out of paper mache. You might crush it." Brian said as he took in the pieces of his costume. 

"You don't have any right to complain!" He cried, standing up and showing off those god-awful bloomers in full glory. 

Brian tried his best not to wince. 

"Yours at least looks somewhat normal. I look like a high school production of Shakespeare in the Park had sex with a Renaissance Faire's minstrel show and passed the demon offspring off to the Doctor Who costuming department with the instructions to make it look even more ridiculous!" 

"Well how does yours look, John?" Brian asked, desperate to keep his bandmates from killing their lead singer and their strange, demon obsessed friend. 

"I'm with Roger on this one," John called from behind the curtain. "When Freddie's back is turned, we stab him repeatedly. It'll be like Caesar." 

"We're not stabbing anyone." He groaned and shifted uncomfortably in the polyester he had been shoved in. "Come on, guys. This is not the worst thing we've ever worn." 

"Says the guy who gets to play a cool skull guitar. I'm stuck holding a fucking unicorn helmet!" 

At least they had stopped talking about his hair. 

Brian managed to get Roger and John out onto the set with the promise that they wouldn't kill Freddie, at least not until they finished the album. Still, throughout the video it was very apparent that neither John nor Roger could act even half-way decent. Good thing they were mostly stuck in the background. 

As for Brian, standing there with his skull guitar looking absolutely ridiculous while Crowley in his god awful mullet gave thumbs up from the background got him to reexamine his life and his desires. He really had no desire to actually change his look. There was no reason to. Besides, when you had Freddie Mercury and Anthony J. Crowley with you, you had to look at least somewhat normal. Otherwise, people would think you were an absolute lunatic. 

Looking around at all the ridiculous extras, he figured that if he were to change his hair, he'd be lost in the background noise. Maybe all of these thoughts were lies he told himself to feel better about his choice, but they were thoughts nonetheless. 

There needed to be at least one person in life to be stable, constant. Someone to bring some sense of normalcy when everything was going crazy. John was more than happy to fill that role. Besides, in a few years, his hair would be considered "retro" or "vintage" and then it would be cool again. This mullet thing, however, would die out and people would look back on it with the horror that they actually did that to their hair. 

A few weeks later, he was proven right as Crowley once again changed his hairstyle. He looked more like Rick Astley now. A few weeks later, he changed his look again. And again. And again. And again. Brian, however, decided he would stick around and stick to the same old same old. After all, someone had to be consistent in this weird group. And Aziraphale did not count.

**Author's Note:**

> I love “It’s a Hard Life” but I cannot watch the music video knowing how much Roger and John hated their costumes. It cracks me up everytime I see it just knowing they are plotting to murder Freddie, probably with the ridiculous unicorn helmet. Meanwhile, Brian is just in the back going along with it because at this point, there is nothing else he can do.


End file.
